1996
The second of "Two Stories about Teeth" in the collection "Simultenaity is Harder than Agreement (ten fables)", the first story in the trilogy "In Every Dream Home a Heartache".
The Teeth of Crime
(title taken from Sam Shepard's The Tooth of Crime)
a solve-it-yourself mystery
Karol Kakta, the rich debutante, had everything life had to give. She lived in the fast lane of highway 101. Every day was filled with excitement, danger, romance. Henry Hillow, on the other hand, had nothing; nothing, that is, except money and exceptionally good teeth. Teeth were not important to Karol, though, and she scorned him.
One day, though, Karol was told that she had developed a rare case of tooth cancer, and that unless she had an operation to get them replaced she had only a month to live. Karol searched far and wide, but none of her fast friends were willing to donate their teeth for this worthy cause.
Finally she came to Henry. "I know I've been pretty down on you in the past, but now I realize that you possess wealth beyond measure, in the form of good teeth," she said slyly. Henry, always willing to do anything for Karol, gave her his teeth. The operation was a success. Afterwards, Henry came to Karol's room.
"I've given you my teeth," he said. "Now will you marry me?"
"I can't marry you," Karol replied. "You told me once you liked the Greeks."
How did Karol know Henry was a fraud?
Answer
The Greeks used to say "Everything in moderation." However, if everything is in moderation, then the set of things in moderation is in excess, and thus everything must not be in moderation. On the other hand, if something is not in moderation, then everything cannot be in moderation and thus the maxim is still wrong. Thus the Greeks couldn't have existed, and anyone who believes in them is a fool.
THE END